[LL] “You know what the biggest surprise this week was?” Leroy the Lion asked.
[FF] “That you’ve already filed your taxes?” Figaro the Fish suggested.
[LL] “That was certainly the old, procrastinating me, schlepping my tax forms to the post office and waiting in an hour-long line on the last day. But I’ve reformed, and I already submitted electronically last week; I would have done it even sooner if I was getting a refund.”
[RR] “That Le Grand Orange1 hasn’t started World War III yet?” Roderick the Rock postulated.
[LL] “No, that’s less surprising with each passing week. And I’m pretty sure the rest of the world is afraid of what a crazy man with access to nuclear launch codes is capable of.”
[FF] “That United Airlines dragged that poker-playing doctor off a plane because it wanted four crew members to get on the flight instead? That was crazy.”
[LL] “Not that surprising though. Airlines have a long history of treating passengers like cargo and cash cows. Clearly, they should have kept increasing their buyout offer until enough passengers accepted. Penny-wise, pound-foolish. $800 was nothing to David Dao, who’s had two dozen tournament cashes for more than that and has spent $10,000 to play in the WSOP Main Event. Even a few thousand dollars now is trivial compared to the amount of business United will end up losing.”2
[SS] “That Absolute Poker was in the news,” Stan the Stat declared, “and good news at that.”
[LL] “Yes, that’s what I was thinking about. I’m absolutely amazed there was any possibility after six years that players would get their money back from Absolute Poker and Ultimate Bet!”
[RR] “It seems foolish to have had more than a little money on those sites after the cheating scandals, but I suppose if the games were profitable, it was just another gamble they took.”
[LL] “More than a little money. The Department of Justice thinks about $60 million could be returned. That’s more than half of what players got back from Full Tilt Poker.
Anyway, you can tell people to head over to AbsolutePokerClaims by June 9 and fill out the forms once they’re available.”
[RR] “It’ll be like finding money in the seat cushions.”
[SS] “More like getting back a wallet full of money. But when do you ever get something back after you’ve lost it for six years?”
[LL] “It’s been so long, there’s a section in the FAQ on dead money — money due to players who have passed away in the meantime.”
- Le Grand Orange was Rusty Staub’s nickname, so I’m kind of sad to see it reused, as he was once one of my favorite baseball players.
- United Airlines stock at least temporarily dropped a billion dollars in market value. And the word “re-accommodate” will certainly be used sarcastically from now on; e.g., “If you’d be so kind as to call, I’d happily re-accommodate some of your chips into my stack here.”