Absolute Poker/Ultimate Bet Reimbursement

[LL] “You know what the biggest surprise this week was?” Leroy the Lion asked.

[FF] “That you’ve already filed your taxes?” Figaro the Fish suggested.

[LL] “That was certainly the old, procrastinating me, schlepping my tax forms to the post office and waiting in an hour-long line on the last day. But I’ve reformed, and I already submitted electronically last week; I would have done it even sooner if I was getting a refund.”

[RR] “That Le Grand Orange1 hasn’t started World War III yet?” Roderick the Rock postulated.

[LL] “No, that’s less surprising with each passing week. And I’m pretty sure the rest of the world is afraid of what a crazy man with access to nuclear launch codes is capable of.”

[FF] “That United Airlines dragged that poker-playing doctor off a plane because it wanted four crew members to get on the flight instead? That was crazy.”

[LL] “Not that surprising though. Airlines have a long history of treating passengers like cargo and cash cows. Clearly, they should have kept increasing their buyout offer until enough passengers accepted. Penny-wise, pound-foolish. $800 was nothing to David Dao, who’s had two dozen tournament cashes for more than that and has spent $10,000 to play in the WSOP Main Event. Even a few thousand dollars now is trivial compared to the amount of business United will end up losing.”2

[SS] “That Absolute Poker was in the news,” Stan the Stat declared, “and good news at that.”

[LL] “Yes, that’s what I was thinking about. I’m absolutely amazed there was any possibility after six years that players would get their money back from Absolute Poker and Ultimate Bet!”

[RR] “It seems foolish to have had more than a little money on those sites after the cheating scandals, but I suppose if the games were profitable, it was just another gamble they took.”

[LL] “More than a little money. The Department of Justice thinks about $60 million could be returned. That’s more than half of what players got back from Full Tilt Poker.

Anyway, you can tell people to head over to AbsolutePokerClaims by June 9 and fill out the forms once they’re available.”

[RR] “It’ll be like finding money in the seat cushions.”

[SS] “More like getting back a wallet full of money. But when do you ever get something back after you’ve lost it for six years?”

[LL] “It’s been so long, there’s a section in the FAQ on dead money — money due to players who have passed away in the meantime.”

Footnotes:

  1. Le Grand Orange was Rusty Staub’s nickname, so I’m kind of sad to see it reused, as he was once one of my favorite baseball players.
  2. United Airlines stock at least temporarily dropped a billion dollars in market value. And the word “re-accommodate” will certainly be used sarcastically from now on; e.g., “If you’d be so kind as to call, I’d happily re-accommodate some of your chips into my stack here.”

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