Poker Family Feud

[TV Announcer] “Coming Up Next: Poker Family Feud,… Who Wants to Be a Poker Millionaire?,… Jeopokerdy!,… and Wheel of Poker.”

[LL] “What station is this?” inquired Leroy the Lion. “The poker version of the Game Show Network?”

[RR] “Yep, it’s the Poker Game Show Network!” confirmed Roderick the Rock. “Our cable system has a gazillion channels, so I wasn’t totally surprised to find a channel with nothing but poker-themed game shows: PGSN, channel 8773.”

[LL] “So, poker player polls for Family Feud, poker trivia questions for Millionaire and Jeopokerdy, and poker-related phrases for Wheel?”

[RR] “I assume so. Haven’t seen most of the different shows yet, but that’s how all the ones I’ve watched have worked.”

{Theme song finishes playing.}

[Poker Family Feud Host Abe Chaplain] “Thanks for coming to our little soiree, everybody. From Las Vegas, Nevada, please welcome back our returning champions, the Munson family!… And from Santa Monica, California, it’s the Herringbone family!”

[AC] “The Munsons and Herringbones will be playing today to try to win over $20,000. I know, that’s less than Hoyle tips the bellhop, but we’re on a limited budget here.”

[AC] “Give me Hoyle and Stan, and let’s get the cards in the air, I mean, let’s get ready to rumble!”

[AC] “100 poker players were surveyed. Top 5 answers are on the board… Name an overused poker expression that you never want to hear again.”

{BUZZ! Abe looks at Stan Herringbone, who has buzzed in first.}

[SH] “That’s poker!”

[AC] “Show me ‘That’s poker!'”

{BING! The board shows “That’s poker!” for 16 points}

[AC] “That was the third most popular answer.”

[AC] “Hoyle, you can control the board if you can give me one of the top two answers…”

[HM] “Ship it!”

[AC] “Show me ‘Ship it!'”

{BING! The board reveals “Ship it!” for 23 points}

[AC] “Number two! Hoyle, you can play or pass.”

{ROUND 3, later in the show after the families have split the first two rounds}

[AC] “Denise and Ruiz. Come on down! You’re the next contestants on… Oops, sorry, wrong game show.”

[AC] “100 poker players were surveyed. Top 5 answers are on the board. Values are doubled… Name something that people do at the table that annoys you.”

[DM] “Complain about their bad luck.”

[AC] “Show me ‘Complain about their bad luck’!”

{BING! The board shows “Bemoan bad luck” for 76 points}

[AC] “That was the number one answer! Denise, you can play or pass.”

[DM] “We’ll play!”

[AC] “Okay, Rod, four answers left. Name something that people do at the table that annoys you.”

[RM] “Slow the game down”

[AC] “Show me ‘Slow the game down'”!

{BZZZ!}

[AC] “Sorry, that’s not on the board. First strike.”

{ROUND 4, later in the show after the Munsons have won the third round}

[AC] “Let me have Rod and Garrett. Wait, that didn’t come out right.”

[AC] “100 poker players were surveyed. Top 3 answers are on the board. Values are tripled… Name something you’d say after busting out of a tournament on a bad beat.”

{BUZZ! Abe faces Rod Munson.}

[RM] “!@#$%^&”

[AC] “Can you say that on this television network? Apparently, poker content only gets us a TV-PG rating, while ‘!@#$%^&’ would earn us a TV-MA, so that’s going to be bleeped out. Nevertheless, show me ‘!@#$%^&’.”

{BZZZ!}

[AC] “Sorry, ‘!@#$%^&’ is not on the board, or ‘@#$%^&!’ or ‘#$%^&!@’ for that matter. Garrett?”

[GH] “Well played, sir.”

[AC] “Why thank you. I love a man who appreciates my !@#$%^&-ing jokes.”

[GH] “No, I mean that’s my guess, ‘Well played, sir’.”

[AC] “I knew that… Show me ‘Well played’!”

{BING! The board has “Well played” for 39 points}

[AC] “The bronze medal is good enough. You can play or pass.”

[GH] “We’ll pass.”

[AC] “Okay, Munson family, if you can come up with the other two answers on the board, you’re today’s champion.”

[AC] “Camella, name something you’d say after busting out of a tournament on a bad beat.”

[CM] “Nice hand.”

[AC] “Show me ‘Nice hand’!”

{BING! The board shows “Nice hand” for 120 points}

[AC] “Numero uno. Just one more answer for the win. Mikhaela, name something you’d say after busting out of a tournament on a bad beat.”

[MM] “Um, how about ‘That stinks’?”

[AC] “Show me ‘That stinks’.”

{BZZZ!}

[AC] “That stinks. But it’s only one strike. You’re still ahead in the count. What do you have for us Hoyle?”

[HB] “I say this every time, well, except when I win, ‘Good luck, everyone’.”

[AC] “Show me ‘Good luck, everyone’!”

{BING! The board reveals “Good luck, everyone” for 96 points}

[AC] “And the Munson family has done it again. Thank you for playing, Harringbone family.”

{After a commercial break}

[AC] “For our fast money round, we asked 100 poker players and tallied their responses. Please put 20 seconds on the clock. Hoyle is safely out of sight and sound; Rod, you get to go first.”

[AC] “Name the hole cards that you’re most likely to bust out of a tournament with.”

[RM] “Aces.”

[AC] “Name your least favorite World Series of Poker Main Event champion.”

[RM] “Jamie Gold.”

[AC] “What is the most times you’ve reentered a rebuy tournament?”

[RM] “Five.”

[AC] “Name the most obvious way to tell that a player is bluffing.”

[RM] “He won’t look you in the eye.”

[AC] “Name your favorite Hold ‘Em starting hand.”

[RM] “Aces.”

[AC] “Turn around, Rod. I said, ‘Name the hole cards that you’re most likely to bust out of a tournament with’, and you said, ‘Aces’.”

{BING! Board shows “Pair of Aces” for 52 points.}

[AC] “Number one answer. But you already knew that unless you flunked first grade math yesterday.”

[AC] “I said, ‘Name your least favorite World Series of Poker Main Event champion’, and you said, ‘Jamie Gold’. Smarmy guy, and I don’t even know what ‘smarmy’ means.”

{BING! Board shows 21 points.}

[AC] “I asked, ‘What is the most times you’ve reentered a rebuy tournament?’, and you replied, ‘Five’. Not your night, eh?”

{BING! Board shows 11 points.}

[AC] “I said, ‘Name the most obvious way to tell that a player is bluffing’, and you said, ‘He won’t look you in the eye’.”

{BING! Board shows 19 points.}

[AC] “And lastly, I said, ‘Name your favorite Hold ‘Em starting hand’, and you said, ‘Aces’. But didn’t you just say you always busted out with those? Oh, never mind.”

{BING! Board shows 32 points.}

[AC] “Number one answer. 135 points so far. Well done, Rod.”

[AC] “Hoyle, you’ve taught your son well. You only need 65 more points to be able to afford another couple Main Event buy-ins… You have 25 seconds. Are you ready?”

[HM] “I was born ready.”

[AC] “Name the hole cards that you’re most likely to bust out of a tournament with.”

[HM] “Pocket rockets.” {ATTT-ATTT!} “Cowboys.”

[AC] “Name your least favorite World Series of Poker Main Event champion.”

[HM] “Russ Hamilton.”

[AC] “What is the most times you’ve reentered a rebuy tournament?”

[HM] “Five.” {ATTT-ATTT!} “Six.”

[AC] “Name the most obvious way to tell that a player is bluffing.”

[HM] “He gets all quiet.”

[AC] “Name your favorite Hold ‘Em starting hand.”

[HM] “Ten-Deuce offsuit.”

[AC] “Turn around, Hoyle… I said, ‘Name the hole cards that you’re most likely to bust out of a tournament with’, and you said, ‘Cowboys’.”

{BING! Board shows ‘Pair of Kings’ for 21 points.}

[AC] “I said, ‘Name your least favorite World Series of Poker Main Event champion’, and you said, ‘Russ Hamilton’.”

{BING! Board shows 19 points.}

[AC] “I asked, ‘What is the most times you’ve reentered a rebuy tournament?’, and you replied, ‘Six’.”

{BING! Board shows 7 points.}

[AC] “I said, ‘Name the most obvious way to tell that a player is bluffing’, and you said, ‘He gets all quiet’.”

{BING! Board shows “Quiet” for 17 points and an updated total of 199 points.}

[AC] “And finally, I said, ‘Name your favorite Hold ‘Em starting hand’, and you said, ‘Ten-Deuce offsuit’.”

{BZZZ! Board shows 0 points. Audience groans.}

[AC] “Uh, Hoyle, we weren’t looking for your favorite hand, you know. But 199 points at five dollars a point gets you another $995. You guys are just going to have win a couple more pots in tonight’s cash game. Congratulations, and you’ll have another chance next time on Poker Family Feud!”

[TV Announcer] “Poker Family Feud is brought to you by THETA Poker Pro, the strongest, fastest, and most configurable Texas Hold ‘Em game in the App Store.”

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