Zeebo’s Theorem

[YY] “Have you guys heard of Zeebo’s Theorem?” Yuri the Young Gun opened.

[FF] “Named for the youngest of the Marx Brothers?” Figaro the Fish speculated.

[VV] “No, that was Zeppo”, corrected Vincent the Veteran.

[JJ] “I thought it was an instant messaging client for your browser”, Joey the Juvenile offered.

[LL] “No, that was Meebo”, Leroy the Lion declined. “Zeebo was a cheap Brazilian game console.”

[HH] Harriet the Hazy wondered, “Wasn’t he a Greek philosopher who said that you can never get to your destination because you have to get halfway there an infinite number of times?”

[VV] “No, that’s Zeno’s Paradox.”1

[YY] Yuri took the floor back. “Zeebo’s Theorem, named not for the ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ character but for poker pro Greg Lavery who goes by Captain Zeebo2 online, states that ‘No player is capable of folding a full house on any betting round, regardless of the size of the bet.'”

[LL] “Seems pretty accurate to me. Ever so rarely I’ve seen some top poker pros make big laydowns, but I’ve never seen any of us do it.”

[LL] “Just last week at the pub game, Patrick the Pickled busted out of both the tournament and the side game when he crashed his boat into a four-of-a-kind iceberg twice. On the first hand, he had Nines over Jacks, but Kieran the Keeper had overbet all-in on the river with quad Jacks. On the second one, his opponent shoved his big stack and was practically begging him to fold, taunting, ‘Don’t call. You’re gonna regret it if you call. I have you crushed!'”

[LL] “I don’t know if the double reverse psychology ploy had any effect, but after a full five minutes, Pat called with Nines full of Sevens and got stacked by four Sevens.”

[YY] “Both of the players with quads followed Zeebo’s Theorem perfectly. If you think your opponent has a full house, get all the chips in and expect to be called.”

[TT] “Hold ‘Em players please take note / When your foe begins to gloat / You may have a leaky boat / If you call, that’s all she wrote”, Tyrone the Telephone concluded.


  1. Zeno of Elea actually stated a number of paradoxes; this is his Dichotomy paradox (see the second version at the end of the section).
  2. Lavery’s handle is captZEEbo.

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